


two messes/two fools.

by carminnat



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, F/M, Fluff, One Shot, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Tumblr Prompt, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 09:25:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9484859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carminnat/pseuds/carminnat
Summary: Bucky’s romantic ideals aren’t inexplicably butchered over the many, many years, so he knows it would’ve been picture-perfect if he had said the three words back.





	

In retrospect, he should have seen her coming.

Y/N—the girl Bucky had come to adore more than he had ever expected. In all of her moods, whether she is pissed off, heartbroken, chipper. With all of her little quirks: the way she crinkles her nose in distaste whenever someone would spout an attempt to humour her, the way she rakes her fingers through her hair, the way her eyes fall focused on whatever is in front of her. 

Bucky considered himself perceptive. Y/N, from the get-go, was one of the few individuals it was harder to get a read on. In the time he had gotten to know her, however, he had learned to know what to expect; he was only surprised that she had allowed him to.

She is just as broken as he is. Despite her wholesome demeanour, she is still picking herself up piece by piece. “That’s what people don’t really understand,” she had told him once. “All of this… It’s a learning curve. I still don’t know exactly who I am.”

It’s almost startling how much comfort he found in her words. Perhaps it was then that decided it all—how much he’d grow to care about her.

Really, now, the only about her that he eventually finds questionable is her habit to leave certain things unanswered. Of course, there couldn’t really be an answer if he didn’t start with a question, but he was debating whether or not it would backfire in some way.

She had told him that she loved him. At first, he had thought it was due to the spur of the moment—but there was none. There was certainly a bounty on both their heads, but their names hadn’t been the headline of any news since the aftermath of the Accords. They were in solace, hidden. She didn’t seem pressured to say it.

Bucky’s romantic ideals aren’t inexplicably butchered over the many, many years, so he knows it would’ve been picture-perfect if he had said the three words back. Hell, they weren’t even formed on his tongue. Instead, it was a single word that he hadn’t said: Why?

Y/N wasn’t provoked by his silence. She was actually amused, and prodded him on through their day together as if she hadn’t said anything at all. Through most of it, he supposed it was for the best. Give it time, and maybe he’d be the one to tell her the three words first.

He does love her. He loves her so damn much it drives him crazy knowing she somehow feels the same way. What did he do to earn it? What did he do to deserve it? 

What did he do to deserve _her?_

He asks himself the question repeatedly in his head now. Now, after she had just driven him out of a potentially violent daze, perched in his lap and holding his head to her chest. “It’s not real anymore. They can’t get you. You’re here now. You’re safe,” she whispers into his ear. He shuts his eyes, listening for the beat of her heart and the focusing on the steadiness of her breathing.

The moment lasts for God knows how long. Bucky’s grip has loosened around Y/N’s waist and his hand has fallen from between her shoulder blades. She remains on her knees, arms wrapped around his shoulders and unspeaking as she rests her chin atop his head.

He wonders what she’s thinking. He wonders why and how she ended up here in the screwed-up mess that is him. He partially breaks from her embrace to meet her eyes. She looks down at him curiously. He swallows, and then the question tumbles from his lips in a murmur: “You love me. Why?”

Y/N appears surprised. Clearly, she thought it was best for her words from a few days ago to not be as abruptly sprung up as it just was. But her face immediately softens, the small smile growing on her lips a blend of teasing and genuine.

She settles down in his lap, her fingers slipping into his hair. “Well, I guess it’s your eyes,” she teases, her voice hardly above a whisper but still somehow as bubbly as ever. Then she sighs, looking down briefly. “But I suppose it could also be how strong you are, how loyal, how brave…”

He lets out a single, mirthless chuckle. “I’m a goddamn mess.”

“So am I,” she responds. “Guess there’s another reason to add to the list.”

He can only watch her. The sincerity in her eyes, the teasing gone. He doesn’t yet know exactly if his question was regrettable. He lets out an exhale of breath and leans forward, his forehead against hers. “I don’t deserve you.”

She shakes her head. “That’s not true,” she says. She kisses him then—softly, a mere brush of her lips against his. His hand finds the nape of her neck, thumb grazing the line of her jaw. She cups his cheek in her hand, directing his stare back to hers. 

“Bucky, there are dozens of reasons why I love you. Nothing’s ever gonna change my mind,” she states firmly.

He doesn’t respond with words. Instead, he does so with another kiss—a proper one this time. He feels her smile into it, fingers fisting into the fabric of his shirt and his creeping up the exposed skin under her shirt. He rolls them over on the bed, pinning her down underneath him and settling into the comfort of her warmth and skin.

Later, she has curled up against him and is slacken with exhaust. Her eyes have fallen shut, but he can tell she is still awake. 

He feels no urge to say it; rather, a desire. “I love you, too,” he murmurs into her hair.

“Hmm?” 

A smile tugs on his lips. “I love you,” he repeats.

“Yeah?” she tiredly says. “Why?”

He only laughs, pulling her closer to him and feeling her smile against his skin.


End file.
